March

‘One day, you’re 17 and planning for someday. And then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life.

JOHN GREEN

As March arrives, I am reminded of the passing of time. Not only is today the anniversary of my grandad’s death. But my grams is today currently in the ICU after having heart surgery at 83 this weekend. I’m reminded that we are now already into the third month of the year. Years that keep passing me by at such an alarming rate it often scares me.

In May, I turn 40. Which means I would have lived through 40 springs, summers, autumns and winters. Fell in love, had my heartbroken, fell in love again, lost people I loved, got married, had a daughter, moved house again and again, broke my own heart, got divorced, watched my daughter grow and grow and grow. Everything has whipped past me so fast that it often feels like a blur. Some memories I’ve wanted to store folded neatly in my pocket; others I’ve wanted to burn into embers and watch them float away.

The past few months, sitting in my own unemployed solitude, I have often had time to reflect. I’ve cried, thinking that I am a complete failure. That I have achieved nothing with my life. But if I look deeply, I am reminded that I have achieved so much. Because life is never perfect, we are human. We make mistakes, we change our mind, we love the wrong people, we lose the right people, we hurt people we love, we laugh when we want to cry and time never stops. It just keeps moving forward, we can’t go back, the past is done.

So as spring arrives, I want to look forward. With fresh eyes and a new sense of urgency in my heart. Time is precious and will pass me by whether I want it to or not. I can either stand still and watch the world swirl and burn around me, or I can stoke a fire in myself and become alight.